Setting Priorities

As I watched my grandmother lying quietly in her hospital bedroom, I asked her several times what would she like me to say on her behalf. For those who knew her, it was hard to get a straight answer. I could her hear say, “now let’s not make a big fuss over this.” See that was my grandmother, always the humble one. As I drove home Thursday afternoon to be with my family to grieve about our grandmother’s passing, it finally struck me, that the focus on grandmother should be not what she did in her life, but far more importantly, how she lived her life.

She was known as Lorena, Honey, Big Grandma, Mom. Throughout her life, my grandmother was able to achieve what many can only hope to accomplish in life—to be happy. Think about it--we live in a society that is fraught with materialistic items that often cloud our thoughts as to what we perceive to achieve happiness. Big homes, fast cars, extravagant vacations, money—these items are symbols of what we many hope to receive so that we can become happy, however my grandmother sought that mere living today provides a far more richer and rewarding experience. It was her priorities that made her so truly special.

So what were her priorities? Did she have a list? Did she spout off them to the church and family on a weekly basis? No her priorities were etched in stone early in her life and through her actions; we were fortunate to see those priorities.

Priority 1: To be a devoted wife.

Married for 62 years, she exemplified the meaning of respecting your spouse. As newlyweds, grandma would sit patiently in the second pew to watch and listen to my grandfather lead the music at many churches in the plains of Texas. Now there were times that my Granddad may have said something not quite right. Grandma would sit with a smile the whole time cheering on her man. After the service, she would quietly help my grandfather by giving him suggestions to improve his leadership.

You see that was my grandmother’s style. Teddy Roosevelt may have been known to walk softly and carry a big stick, but my grandmother was far more powerful. She didn’t need a stick. She could lead and shape behavior through one thing-love. My grandfather was the mouthpiece of their marriage, but it was my grandmother who provided the words. She was just crazy about her man.

Recently, I spoke with my grandfather and asked what made his marriage with wife so special. Grandpa softly spoke—“letting decisions mature,” he said. When faced with a difficult decision, the two of them would write down their decision and place it in their respective bibles. Time would pass to see if the decision had matured. If the decisions were inconsistent, they would rewrite their answer and place it back in their bibles. They would continue until the decisions were the same. It must have worked, they were married for 62 years.

Priority 2: To be a devoted mom.

My grandmother was there for her children. My grandparents were not wealthy, but that didn’t matter. She was an accomplished tailor. She could see a dress in the window of the local mall, Walker Scott, stop by the fabric store, and go home and make that same beautiful dress and give it to her daughter, Peggy. She would do the same thing for her son, Darrel, in making him a shirt. She attended all the football games, supported all of their activities, and made all of those meals. Ah yes the meals—fried chicken, dumplings, liver and onions, black-eyed peas, cornbread, potato salad, and the best cobbler in the world. Those smells will always be remembered.

Priority 3: To be a devoted grandmother.

To her seven grandchildren, Renee, Randy, Becky, Mike, Tiffany, Kory, and me. I’m sure that she did not sit down and tell herself “now Lorena, you be best the grandmother in the world.” It wasn’t a goal; it was her way of life. I was trying to figure out what made grandmother so incredible. I think my brother, Kory said it best “you always had fun with grandma.” She allowed you to be a kid, heck you wanted for nothing. But how----you might ask? It was the little things. You see, she knew what people liked and she made sure they got it.

Imagine being at her house. Early in the morning, she would make sure you were well fed with great tasting biscuits and Malt-o-meal, oatmeal, or whatever cereal. Or after school, there at her house waiting just for you, brownies, mixture sandwiches, chocolate chip cookies, punch, and tang. She’d cut the crust off when making you a sandwich. She’d make a special batch of potato salad just for me—cuz I just hated those eggs. She would give you change for a special treat from the ice cream man driving down the street. We were truly privilege to have grown up in such an environment.

I remember when having my tonsils taken out. I was nervous; heck my throat hurt and I just didn’t want to be there. She arrived with a brand new pair of purple of pajamas—she knew I loved purple. That was my grandmother; always placing you first and more importantly making you feel safe and loved.

She loved to play, heck we’d play all day, she was the biggest kid. We would play baseball in the backyard for hours, and grandmother would be there pitching inning after inning. We would played all sorts of games, tag, uno, chutes and ladders, aggravation, dominos, booby-trap, best of all—marbles.

We would travel down to San Diego to watch a Padre game. She would make these great chilidogs and place them in a thermos. Yes, today, that would be a big "no-no." While others fought the concessions lines, she would take out piping hot “hot dogs” and we ready to go. The other spectators would sit and marvel, just staring at us, saying to each other, man those look good. That was my grandmother, very ingenious to make our lives easier and to make the experience that much more memorable.

Priority 4: To be a devoted witness for God.

She was a charter member of her church. She lived by god’s will. She was the one that gave me my first and second bible. Never a bad word utter about another came from my grandmother. We’ll maybe not---she may have said a few bad words about those LA Dodgers. She would say, “I just don’t like those Dodgers. Really, I don’t.”

She believed in that Christian fellowship was critical in her walk with God. I remember being at house and the backyard would be filled with members of the church enjoying a huge potluck dinner under those spacious pecan trees in the summertime. She walked daily with God, by using her bible as her moral compass, her roadmap for decisions. And on Sunday, her favorite day, she attended church, at times she led Sunday school and most of all she loved to sing those hymns—her favorite being “How Great Thou Art.”

There are so many stories about my grandmother that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I will reflect on those hot summer days, when she would have ice-cold tea ready to quench our thirst. I will remember going to her house to see how the furniture was set up. She would rearrange the furniture all the time.

I will remember Christmas Eve, filled with Christmas songs and laughter and our great family game “Christmas Eve Gift.” I will remember those days traveling to the beach where she would thoroughly enjoyed just watching us kids play, while she sat beneath a huge umbrella. I will remember those road trips back to Texas, where you would have thought each rest stop was its own little restaurant with all the fixings that my grandmother would bring along. I will remember all of those days that my grandmother made so very special.

So, thank you “Big Grandma”, for keeping your promise and having your priorities. I am so very grateful for all that you have done. Thank you for your devotion of being there for all of us.

You made our lives wonderful and most of all—fun.